Chasing Game

It didn't take long for people to know how disorganized I am. I suck in managing time, irresponsible at times and I have problem following a routine or system. Even basic stuff like keeping my sleep routine in check pun I've been struggling to follow, apatah lagi benda yang lagi complex. Buka beg sekolah aku, nota bersepah dan bercampur-campur. Notes derivative boleh ada dalam file accounting. Notes accounting boleh ada dalam file entrepreneurship. Ok aku tipu. Aku tak ada file pun to begin with. Semua rojak ka pasembuq ka sekali punya campoq dalam itu beg.

In terms of work, I'm always lagging behind the others and behind schedule. Kadang-kadang tu bawak masuk kertas kosong ja masuk tutorial, let the tutor spoon fed me the solutions, and pray hard that the tutor won't call me in front to do any of these cacing calculation. (dalam finance banyak sigma dalam calculation, and i drew sigma like a cacing, urgh u get the idea).  Tapi time tutor ja lah. So far tak pernah la lagi late on important datelines mcm assignment submission semua, Alhamdulillah. But buat kerja last minute tu, lumrah lah.

Call it anything you want. Call it a self destructive behaviour, call me plain lazy, call me a slacker. But I call it MY system. My own unique system that only I can withstand. I always think that human function in different ways and those difference should be acknowledged, not suppressed. I like to do things at my own pace, and in my own way. In my previous post, I gave an example of how I was a rebel in boarding school because I can't stand following rules and that I like to do things differently. So Uni life gave me that luxury. The luxury and the freedom to choose the lifestyle that suits me.

"Azmil nih..bila mintak tolong dia, dia cakap taktau. tp bila result keluar tak mcm taktau pun," I get that a lot. But no, bukan sebab aku kedekut ilmu or bukan sebab aku tak suka ampa, tapi sebab memang aku taktau. Most of the time, my state of mind is like this: 

But later I'll figure it out, maybe from doing a good read for an hour or two and finally at least have an idea of the things I previously had no idea about. When and how? It depends on my system really. Bila ada urgency and bila ada motivation, that's when it happen. Selalunya bila dekat-dekat exam. And it can happen overnight. Hari Isnin masuk tutor macam orang bodoh. tapi keesokannya jadi pandai sikit. Haha okay Im overselling myself. But you see, my point is people are different. Some things work for them and some things don't. You can be some kind of ODC freak, and still things aren't going well for you...because that lifestyle doesn't suit you.

Me on the other hands, I like to live on the edge. I think I function and perform better if I'm chasing a deadline, or going to class empty handed. And do things at my own pace. It suits me. Of course this so called my system has it flaws, as I sometimes find myself on the back foot, having to chase and cover back things that Im left out, but at least Im comfortable with it. 

networking

Now at my age, Im starting to think that networking is becoming more essential. Some people mistook that networking and friendship as the same thing, but there are different really. Though they are not mutually exclusive and can coexist together. To me friendship is a relationship based on trust and unconditional loyalty, while networking is more or less like 'friends with benefits'. Friendship delve into a personal relationship while networking largely involves a professional relationships.

But of course, like I mentioned earlier, these two are not mutually exclusive. I have no doubt that we can have both personal and professional relationships with the same people.  And sometime the one would leads to the other; a personal relationships could develop into a professional one and vice versa. For example a customer of yours might end up as your best friends. And your childhood friends who was the best man at your wedding could end up being your business partners. 

And granted, sometimes we wonder what good will come by networking with people, especially those that we're not comfortable with. Those people whom you think will never 'clicked' with. Jadi selalulah bersangka baik dan ikhlas dalam hubungan. Yes, it is as if Im contradicting myself when I said earlier that networking is more like friends with benefits. A relationship based on I scratch your back and you scratch mine. Totally plastic and manipulative. But if you broke that plasticity and barriers with sincerity, Insyaallah you'll have a good friends, and a strong network.

Kita takkan tahu bila kita akan memerlukan favours. It could be soon. Could be later. Could be never. A group assignment of mine whom I used to 'see with one eye' is now my mentor and my teacher in studies. A schoolmate of abah whom  abah said, I quote: "budak beringuih" was my Angkasa's Scholarship interviewer. Sebab tu bila kita ikhlas, Insyaallah kesabaran dan keihlasan kita will be rewarded in the future. There are many episodes of my life events that require favours that were helped by some unexpected people.

Cronyism much? That's a topic to discuss another day. But penny for thoughts: If you earned it, you deserve it. Although Datuk Omar Osman was abah's schoolmate in PFS, it doesn't mean that he simply signed on my appeal letter. My appeal came through because I deserve it. Not because of the networking. He felt that I deserved it, and so far I haven't let him down. Alhamdulillah, I'm still doing okay in my studies. Perhaps even better than those who got in at the first place.