Classy Jerk

"Okay take five" kata pensyarah Organic Chemistry aku. Azab sungguh masuk kelas O-Chem ni. Dahla susah, pensyarah pulak boring. Aku terus keluar kelas. Niat nak ponteng terus tapi orang tua tu tak ambil attendance lagi. Aku pegi kat parking lot dan terus pelekat sebatang dunhill. Baru 3 pam ada jejaka berkaca mata datang tegur. "Oi takleh hisap rokok kat sini. Buang rokok kau. Hak bernafas hak kami. Bertimbang rasalah sikit. Aku report kat guard kang". Aku senyum, aku buang rokok. Ikut hati nak hentak ja budak ni. Kalau dia suruh aku buang ja aku boleh terima lagi. Tapi nak berlagak all self-righteous and threaten me? 

Tapi aku diam dan senyum ja. Mak aku cakap don't fight fire with fire. Aku buang bukan sebab aku takut dengan ugutan atau takut dengan mata empat tu, tapi sebab aku tak nak panjang cerita. Recently us smokers have come under fire from the campus community dekat facebook. Gang-gang self righteous mengkritik kami kiri dan kanan sebab kami hisap rokok dalam kawasan kampus. Even Izzue Islam yang datang buat show and probably taktau pun pasal rule ni pun kena bambu. Heck even our VC pun a chain smoking choo choo train, knapa korang tak pi bambu? But to my surprise, ada jugak gang-gang smokers yang cuba nak defend dan lawan balik. Im glad that we're united but I dont really condone that actions. 

I mean if we fight back, it'll only put us more under the magnifying glass. Orang akan lagi marah, dan orang akan demand more enforcement. I am already enjoying my 'privilege' of smoking inside the campus as it is, why ruined it?  Aku fikir long term. Stay under the radar, and dont create any problems. Lepas aku grad korang nak buat apa pun buatlah. Nak enforce the law ke, nak tangkap gambar ke, nak naikkan denda ke. But know this gang-gang self-righteous sekalian. Jangan ingat semua benda black and white. Everything are all shades of grey. Nak dijadikan cerita hujung minggu tu aku jumpa mamat kaca mata tu lagi kat tournament futsal kat kampus. Untung sabut, team aku diundi satu kumpulan dengan dia.

Memang masak budak tu aku kerjakan. Senang cita, aku dah tak pikir pasal menang dah time aku lawan team dia. Aku pikir pasal nak prap kaki dia ja. Nasib baik tournament futsal cikai; takde St. John. Kalau ada St. John memang aku akan make sure dorang keja over time. Takla makan elaun buta ja. Abes ja game, aku pegi hisap rokok dengan teammates aku. Dari jauh aku nampak si kaca mata nursing his injuries. Sebelah dia ada awek dia. Aku lalu tepi dia dgn kawan-kawan aku sambil rokok di tangan, I took a swipe at him "Ouh kali ni kau tak berani pulak tegur aku hisap rokok dalam kampus ek?" WIN.

What's better than kicking a man down? Kicking a man when he's already down, in front of his woman. BIG WIN. I know I'm a jerk you dont have to tell me. But at least I'm a classy jerk. 

David vs Goliath

This post is related to the previous one about biding my time and how it help me in my life. A few years ago during college I have this lecturer of mine, who's difficult to deal with. He's a thorn to my side, mainly because he's a bully. He's a pushover, a dictator who thinks that he could simply get away with anything unscathed. His teachings was all over the place, erratic and he did so as he pleased. He entered the class, both hands in the pocket and started blabbering away. We didn't mind all that, really. Sebab ada ja lecturer macam tu. Yang emphasize on life learning instead of the textbook. Until when he announced our mid term marks. Semua orang dapat teruk time tu, and when we tried to confront him what went wrong, he belittle our effort and simply said that our performance was mediocre.

This angered us. Ikutkan hati memang terus nak report kat the the college registrar. Plus there's also suggestion for us to have a picket, to go against this unfair lecturer. I was in the MPP back then and I had some say in the student council. But, having learnt from the incident I experienced in mrsm, I urged cooperation from my classmates to be patience and tread carefully on this matter. We came out with a thorough step by step plans on how to approach this problem. Because what we were doing was risky. Satu, sebab this lecturer is the nephew of the owner of the college. Dua, sebab kalau kami approach benda ni wrongly, we would end up as the rebel or the bad guys,or the slander. Because basically what we were doing was accusing this lecturer as incompetent. Which was a serious allegations.

So first, we tried to find other lecturers who can back us up. Rupa-rupanya bila kami mengadu masalah ni kat lecturer lain baru kami dapat tahu yang we weren't on the wrong side of the table. Apparently other lecturers carried the same sentiments we had towards him but because nobody were brave enough to come forward, the other lecturers kept quiet because they could also get into trouble, given his 'untouchable' position in the college. And then the lecturers hooked us up a meet with the program coordinator. The program coordinator expressed her sympathy and revealed that actually for the past years that troublesome lecturer never submitted his marking schemes to her sedangkan it is compulsory to do so.

So she advised us to do a few procedures, given the delicate situations. First she told us to verbally asked our lecturer to discuss the mid terms paper in class. Even though we were very sure that he will decline, we had to ask anyway, so that the next steps could be justified. Then only we could come out with a letter, some kind of a petition addressed to the registrar to demand for our papers to be remarked. In addition, we should also collect testimonies from seniors who had studied in his class to support our claim. Memang renyah. Banyak sangat procedures and steps yang kami kena buat. Tapi benda yang paling best kami buat ialah, kami masuk kelas lecturer ni macam biasa. Kami still pergi kelas, still layan karenah dia, still senyum-senyum walaupun dia camdek and perli kaw-kaw (especially aku sbb dia tau aku yang pegi report kat admin). Bersangka baik walaupun dalam hati rasa tak selesa dengan dia. And Alhamdulillah, in the end we got what we wanted. 

Dia pun tak sentap dgn kami. Kami pun tahan pi lah whatever drama he threw at us. So mungkin dia pun terbuka hati nak dengar permintaan kami. I tell you never fight fire with fire. Because it will only get you into trouble. Sabar. Ikut prosedur and hope for the best. Memang benda ni menyusahkan, dan kadang-kadang kesabaran tu memang dah semakin menipis , but if you do things properly, it will go on your favour. I wonder what would have happened if we were to do a picket against him? or if we launched a boycott against him by not going to his class? or if we reported this matter to external organisations like GPMS, or worst seek legal counsel?

Biding time

I used to run for a position in the student representative council back in MRSM. At that time I was in form four. In MRSM they carried out this election thingy to choose who gets to be in the BWP. All students get to vote who they deemed qualified to lead them. To make long story short, I entered the election. I contested for the Exco Sukan seat against a friend and a classmate of mine. So it was a 1 v 1 contest. No other candidates. We underwent a strict selection process, and were finally eligible for elections. I forgot how long they gave us, but the poster hanging and the campaigning started. Until the day of the voting.

Towards the elections, there's this friend of mine, who just got transferred to our school from another mrsm under disciplinary reasons. Well basically it means that his old mrsm wanted to get rid of him, but he was given one last chance to start new in another mrsm. When I said last chance, it means even the simplest form of misdemeanor would cause him to get an expulsion. Nak dijadikan cerita one day he lost his temper and lashed out on a classmate. And for that outburst he had, he's getting expelled. I mean for just lashing out? That's like what kindergarten kids do on a daily basis.

So we decided to gather as many fourth former as we could, and go to the headmaster house to appeal on behalf of him. The headmaster asked us to calm down and let the disciplinary hearings deal with it. Our effort was without avail. Later that day, he got expelled. The next day, our warden asked those who went to the headmaster house to go and write our name in a piece of paper. He made it sound so harmless, as if he wanted to help us. That's the thing with my school wardens. A bunch of hypocritical fags. They made it as if they were our friends. For example, a warden would come to us, joking around as if he's our friend, the kind of teacher that student trusted and shared everything with. Dia nanti tanya la "awak hisap rokok?", as if he was trying to reach out to us, as if he care. But wrong. He doesnt give a shit. He just wants a promotion or a pat in the back by his faggy friends saying he's doing a good job. And once he knew your secret, he will used it against you. He'll give you a choice. Whether to rat out your friends, or face the wrath of consequences. 

Okay sorry where were we? Haa..so a bunch of us went to write our name down. This was on the day of the election, I think. Long story short, they announced the election result. To my surprise, I didnt win it. So does my opponent. Apparently, they gave the position to another candidates who contested in the Biro Kebajikan seats. That's when I realized that I just got screwed. It angered me to every inch of my skin. Call it theory conspiracy, call it whatever. I really believed that I should have won it. People love me over there. I was voted to be the House Captain within seconds of the AGM. All the kakak form five told me they had my back. Plus, I had the best sports CV in the school. Well, I really can accept defeat. I am a sportsman, it's in my nature to accept defeat. But if I really lost fair and square, how come my opposition candidate didn't get the seat? I can accept lost, but not like that. What enraged me more was that there were friends who actually went to the headmaster house but were a total chicken to go over and write their name, got the job. Heck even the president pun pergi.

But this experience was an eye opener for me.  Dulu aku selalu tertanya-tanya, depa ni nak cari badan wakil pelajar ka badan wakil sekolah? But To go against the system, you must be a part of the system first. I should have kept my temperament, show that Im a good watchdog for the school and slaved away my ass to the wardens. And only after I get the job baru la aku start jadi wakil pelajar. I also learn a few things from this. Hang tak boleh buat picket, hang tak boleh buat demonstrasi, hang tak boleh buat perhimpunan aman. You'll only get into trouble. No matter how right you think you are. Which is a little bit flawed isn't it?  I think that pretty much depict our political scenario in the country. I think I have changed a lot from these experience, but I can't run from who I am forever. Although I seem like a reserved guy, Im not afraid to have an opinion. They might keep me quiet, but they can't stop me from having an opinion. And when the right time comes, I'll take them on. That's the most important lesson of them all.

The Standard Deviation

I really think that I could adapt well with people. I might have that social awkwardness with people in the beginning, but over time, I really think that I could blend well with the people around me. I am really good at reading emotional cues and behaviour. And I know how to make people comfortable with my presence. I guess maybe it came from the way I was raised. Due to the nature of their job and studies, my parents had to move a lot when I was a child. So I had to adapt to new environment, new schools and make new friends. I tell you during my childhood years, I went to five primary schools! That's almost a school per year. 

During my high school years I only changed school once. I went from PFS to MRSM. But it was a totally different experience for me. In Penang Free, the students are more outspoken. They were more enterprising and a little mischievous. And with its hundred of years of historic traditions, I get to experience different culture and mentality from the students there. MRSM on the other hand, was different. The students there are clever, polite and a little bit raw. The social context was pretty high unlike Penang Free, where the slightest thing you do might offended some people.

I learnt a lot from both school and there's no way I could choose which of the two that was better. So yeah, I get to meet all sorts of people. The standard deviation was pretty high too. Dari yang kaya sampai yang miskin. Dari yang pandai sampai yang kurang pandai. Dari bandar sampai la ke kampung. I get to meet each and every one of them. And each and everyone of them is different. For example, in Penang Free being outspoken is acceptable because it signify responsibility, independent and leadership. However in MRSM it's a no-no. They value discipline, respect and humility more. So it really depends on the culture and the environment you live in. Tu baru at an institutional level, belum lagi at a personal level. 

So yeah, over time I developed skills on how to get a long with people from different backgrounds. Dari gang nerd sampai la gang budak-budak nakal. Dari gang kampung sampai la gang bandar. Dari gang bola sampai la gang rempit. You really could do it too, it's easy. You just have to learn about what they value the most and identify with them. Learn new things. Broaden your standard deviation. For example, learn eating from a croissant with cream cheese to gulai batang pisang sambil bersila bawah pokok. Of course, you'd have to enjoy it, or you'll just end up being that hypocritical guy who's just trying to fit in.

Having high adaptability and high standard deviation sure has its advantages. We'll get to improve our social and interpersonal skills. We'll learn to have empathy and it enhance our EQ. But it also has it's downside. The fact that people with high standard deviation could adapt really well means that they might allow unnecessary behaviour to seep in. For example, kalau dia lepak dengan gang-gang tabligh dia pi masjid, tapi kalau dia lepak dengan gang-gang judi dia pi main nombor ekor. See what I mean? I sometimes suffer from that too. Well takla teruk sangat sampai pi main nombor ekor ka apa ka. For example, when I went to sdp recently, I succumbed to the corporate social pressure. Seeing everybody shaking everybody's hand, I too participated with shaking the opposing gender's hand. Sedangkan kat rumah dengan cousin-cousin perempuan aku pun aku tak salam. 

Need to work more on that.

Pre-work

I'm back in Penang, once again. SDP was fine. But I got to admit that second day into the program, I was starting to feel that this was your typical, generic motivation camp you used to attend during your high school years. Up to a point it felt a little bit redundant because you already knew and at least familiar with the modules. This year, they kinda reshuffled the SDP program. There's no more outdoor activity, no more mock interview, no more movie night and no more CSR program. Just plain in-the-classroom-training. 

Of course there's pros and cons to it. For example we get to finish our program earlier at night but the classroom based training has taken it's toll on me. I understand that YSD and SDLC were prepping us for the corporate world, but I find it a little bit boring. For example we were asked to sit through a business communication class sedangkan there's already a subject dedicated to it alone in my university that I had taken. So it was like a revision class. Nevertheless, I paid the instructors their due respect and listened to them with an open mind. 

Of course to make it interesting, they conduct their lessons in several ways. Ada games, ada presentations, ada sketches etc. But I dunno. That classroom 'feel' is still there, while I was expecting more of a corporate 'feel'. I mean yes, they taught us a lot of things. But it was more like a theory rather than the reality I was expecting. For example, they talked about trust and responsibilities and said that if your boss trust you, he or she will give you more responsibilities. Well, benda tu macam logik ja. Apa kata kalau hang explain kat aku, 'where do you draw the lines between having accepted a responsibility because the boss trusted you or is it he/she simply was riding you and bullying you?'

That was the kind of questions that I needed answers to. If you see the itinerary above, the green colored ones were conducted by SD while the blue-colored ones were  carried out by a training consultant hired by SD. We were well informed that SD invested a lot of money hiring them. But if the training consultant are just there to teach us superficial stuff, I think a lot of my Uni's clubs and societies could do the exact job with minimal payment. The only thing that can justify their selection was they have Roshan Thiran, who used to be a key right hand man to General Electric, a big company in US. So yeah, he managed to share with us his experience working with GE, under the leadership of Jack Welch, one of the most influential CEO in the USA. 

Well, having Roshan Thiran with us was exactly what I was looking for. He taught us things that you can't learn in a classroom. So I guess it pretty much justify why SD paid great money to this training consultant. There's a lot of business or entrepreneurial seminar out there where famous CEOs was invited to give a talk and I know for a fact that the fees wasn't cheap. Well anyway, you could google him up to read about some of his interesting experiences. All in all it was a good program for me. Even though it didnt rise up to my expectation, at least it managed to show me a career path with SD. At least I have an idea on what's waiting for me this coming new year.

And of course, they managed to show us a glimpse of their snazzy reputation. At SDLC, they invited both the ex CEO and the newly appointed CEO , Tun Musa Hitam and Dato Ghani Othman. They gave us access card for the building. Nak pi toilet pun kena ada access card. Food toksah cakap la. Sedap2 dan best2. And free flow of water from the vending machine. All you need is press the button. I even managed to visit the staff gym. With crazy and buff up equipments in it. And their zen garden is totally breathtaking. Sempoi baq hang.

But to me, the best of them all, is the people behind it. I am so thankful to have so many people taking care and nurturing us. People from YSD and SDLC. And also fellow scholars from Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia (under Minamas Plantation, a subsidiary of Sime Darby) studying from all over the world. Some of them came from one of the best university in the world, Cambridge, LSE, Imperial, to name a few. But the sense of humbleness and belonging was there for the taking. And I am glad to rub shoulders and learn with them. And I also learnt that there's a junior from USM who just recently received the scholarship. Awesome.