From one cigarette to another.

Assalamualaikum,

It has been 9 months. A lot has changed. I changed. My priorities changed.

I've embarked into the working world now. Been doing internal audit, but not for long, as I will go out onto other sections and divisions of my company for my management trainee program. Work is okay. Sure it sucks having to adapt from student life into a more routine exercise, but it's fine. I can't complain I've seen my fair share of good and bad days. But one thing I'm sure, I am motivated as ever.

I have my long term goals. From climbing up the corporate ladder to having my own start-up company to getting married. I dream big, I'm hungry as ever. I have that 'unstoppable' feeling inside me. I have faith in myself and loved ones that everything will turn out okay. But I won't get complacent, I know how to manage my expectations and to always remember to keep my feet on the ground. 

One thing about us gen y (heck yea i consider myself a gen y) is that we are generally impatient. We want things as fast as possible; 'Aku nak gaji banyak ni,' 'aku nak buat kerja ni,' 'aku nak pangkat ni'. Sometimes this could lead us into disillusionment. I myself included. I realised there's no short cut to it. So how do I manage my expectation? Like I've always did. Baby steps.

Hidup dari minggu ke minggu. If it's too long, disassemble it into 'dari hari ke hari'. If it's still too long, disassemble it even further into 'from one smoke break to another'. That's how I power through my day. 

I go to work, promised myself to work hard and reward myself with a smoke break. These small short term goals makes the difference into realizing our long term goals. If I dwell too much with long term goals, I tell you Im going to go insane. Asyik dok pikiaq macam-macam; bila nak naik pangkat, bila nak naik gaji, bila nak kahwin, bila nak buat CFA, bila nak habis mtp, bila nak beli rumah. And after that comes the disillusion.

So yeah, going to work isn't actually sucks because it keeps me sane. Weekend lain cerita la, memang disillusion habis dok pikiaq macam-macam sebab takdak that baby steps approach. But I just love 'escaping' into that future realm every now and then. Because after all, these long term goals are what keep you going. As long as there's balance between the two i think should be okay kot. Off to the future realm we go..

Small, but big

This might be weird coming from me, but as I already mentioned, I don't really fancy the corporate world. To me it brings more harm than good. Yeah, save your capitalist argument for yourself, I'm not a big fan of that either. At least to me, it brings more harm than good. Some big corporate, acting all high and mighty; well in which case they are, (with wealth and assets larger than dozen of countries combined) could bully their way into getting want they want. 

They will do whatever it takes to gain as much profit at the expend of others; the nature, the society, the future. And should they get into trouble, say, for polluting the environment, they could just simply pay the fines and move along. In the name of 'copyright and patent' they monopoly and rob people off. Like in the case of Windows and other pharmaceutical company. They could use their powerful connections to influence the regulator and government agency, like how pharmaceutical company in the US influencing the FDA and the political scene in the country. Obamacare, a healthcare act introduced by the namesake is still being debated and could not pass until today.

And in the name of 'globalization', they came to other country, ravaging its natural resources and taking advantage of low employment rate, and murdering local businesses. An ordinary, family managed grocery store could never stand a chance against the like of Tesco, Best Buy and Walmart. Some big corporate put shareholders interest beyond its stakeholder. To them the means justify everything. You could see some company selling stuff the customers don't need, through false advertising, false product development and through coercion they called 'best package deal'.

That's why I like small, family business, entrepreneurship venture. They have heart. They have soul. And they care not just about the profit. It pleases me to see small companies doing well, especially the ones that has affected my life, like the coffee shop behind the school where we used to hang out everytime we ponteng. The owner knows your name, knows what drink you want without taking your order and cares about you; albeit in the form of lectures and a beating asking you to go back to class. 

Although I gotta admit, small business might eventually turned into a big corporate. At first it was privately family owned, but then it'll grow into a publicly traded company. But that doesn't mean that they need to lose their values and their ways of doing business. There are a lot of family controlled firms that are doing well, perhaps even outperforming the public sector. In France, over the 1990-2006 period, French family firms like Michelin and Peugeot generated a 639% return whereas the major French index returned only 292%. They focus on the long term and they stick to their core business. And because the owners are closer to management, fewer conflicts arise (fewer agency problem). 

That's why they have been so successful. You dont need to sell your souls for an extra bucks. 

Thrill seeker

I was reading this article the other day. You can check them out here. It's about why you should date a guy who travels (traveller, not tourist).  Anyway if you read the comment section below, a lot of travellers claimed that the article was overrated.  Though it may seems that travellers make a good partner, they claimed that it was hard to sustain a healthy relationship because they are always looking for new adventures. They are always looking at the map instead of what they have; be it a 'real' job, a 'real' life. They do not want to be binded by these routine.

I'm not very much of a traveller, but I always look for new challenges and adventures in life. It doesn't have to be about exploring new places, instead it can be about exploring new ventures and possibilities. For me, it's an objective based game. And like any other objective based game, it's more about the short term goals rather than the long term goals. I'm not downplaying the importance of a long term goal, but to me long term goal is kinda hard to measure.

Almost six years ago my long term goal was to graduate with a bachelor degree. Yeah, I probably would be able to make them even more specific so that it can easily be measured, say, 'graduating with a degree with at least 3.5 cgpa'. But such void between the day you started until the day you finished is too long for me to be able to tell. Hence the short term goals. Get a diploma first. Get a scholarship next. Then apply for first degree. And of course along the way, you'll found new adventures to be conquered. Like 'winning a futsal tournament', or 'undergo the perils of taking a difficult major' or 'get to be in the student representative council'.

Some of these were proactive goals; they came with a deliberate plan, while some of them were reactive goals, hence, an unplanned ones. Every time when I felt that the current adventure is losing its thrills, or perhaps I was getting good in that challenge, I began to look for another one. When I began my finance major studies adventures, I was scared shitless that I wouldn't be able to beat it. Yeah I was struggling but after a year, I managed to get the hang of it. So I went back playing futsal for the varsity. But yet I still felt some kind of void and so I decided to take on a new adventure; participating in the student representative council election.

No, this post is not about how high and mighty I am at conquering these adventures. Because it came with a price. I got so drawn and blinded by new adventures sometimes I got detached from the routines; the 'real' job and the 'real' life. Instead of thinking about what I have, I am thinking of the next adventures and how I can beat it. If what I have is in the way of me beating that new challenge, it is likely that I'll discard it. Probably why I kept screwing something good that happened in my life. Looking over at my life, one might say that I gained a lot, but trust me, I lose a lot more.

And now I am about to embark on a new adventure. Internship. This would be a great challenge for me. For the first time in six years, I'll be away from Penang, away from my family. This is probably the greatest challenge I had in a while, and I started to get detached from my routine as I am getting immersed and pumped up on getting this challenge done. The greater the challenge, the greater focus that I need to put on, and the more likely that I'll lose something along the way.

New Year

Edited: Upon writing this blogpost, I just realized that this is my 200th posts! All of a sudden I felt bad after publishing this post. >.<

Geee, been a while isnt it? Im sorry I forgot about you. The thing is I met  a new sns. Well not really new, it's been around a while. But I only joined half a year ago. Yeah Im a slowpoke I know. It's like a micro blogging thingy where I can rant things without a care and I can follow celebrity like this mamacita.

Or like this hunk. 

Or this hunk.

So yeah, I dunno how long Im gonna keep writing here. I've also been busy with mpp stuff and studies. Plus I'll be away on my internship next month. Speaking of which, yeah, I am currently on my finals. My (hopefully) last final exam in degree life. 

Meh lets not get carried away. One thing at a time. Lets pwn all these exam papers first. But I gotta admit, I'm a little short of motivations right now. With graduation on the horizon, I might have overlooked things beyond the examinations.

But on the other hand, I'm calm. I'm collected. I'm taking a different approach this time around. Im just looking to enjoy the exam. I know it's weird. But things are different now.

It's like football. Last time I play to win. No matter how ugly, no matter how ruthless. But now I just want to play and enjoy a good game. Play with flair. And have a good time. Because at some point, I realized that football is not just about winning. It's bigger than that.

It's the same with exam. I'm not going to let it break me. Not letting it run me down. Because education and varsity life is bigger than that. And I'm bigger than that examination. 

I dont know if I make sense, so Im just going to end here and go back to following some celebrities and whatnot. Anyway, happy new year. Let's make this a good one.