Wishful thinking, mindless dreaming

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been gone, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

Camera Phone

It's been quite some time since I plug my phone to the computer. While Im at it, managed to upload a few pics out. Images from 3, 4 months back. Some I captured myself, some are bluetoothed to me. Here you go.

Final of the final

Saat yang dinanti-nanti tiba. Bukan, bukan sbb dpt tgk Nora Danish berkemban dan bukan jugak dapat join trick or treat halloween tapi sebab the final exam of the final semester is around the corner. Starting this Monday with strategic management, pastu on the 9th ada hr management, and the triple header; English, Keusahawanan and Operation Management consecutively from 12-14 November. Rasa macam-macam. Takut ada, excited ada ,happy ada, sedih pun ada.

No matter how sentimental i get, it's business as usual. I wont take this examination lightly. Treading over this thing carefully making sure that I am fully equipped and healthy to take on the last hurdles in Island College of Technology. Macam biasa, kena fokus kat subjek strategic management and subjek Cik Azrul which is keusahawanan. Have to make sure that I double up my effort on these subjects. Ada takhta untuk dipertahankan. Ada maruah untuk dijaga. Hehe

I got a few job offers, mostly from banks and kilang. I am also offered a few internship position but I still cant make up my mind. I really hope that I can decide as soon as possible. Before all these people naik meluat dengan aku. They are banging on my doors, not with just one hand but with both hands. Tiap kali call, mesti ckp mintak tangguh. Sebab aku teringin gak nak resume tuition class and instrument class aku. Tapi at the same time, tringin gak nak keja dengan orang.

Ah letak tepi dulu. Concentrate on being able to graduate first, Azmil. And only after that you can decide carefully what you;re going to do next. It's hard not to give a damn when you really adore someone. You still stalk them, you still wants to know whats going on with their life, and you still want to support them no matter how far you're apart. Sokong dari jauh, concern dari jauh. I really hope that I can stop. Because giving without even taking is not what real men and businessmen do. Now lets go do some studying.

Okay, but not okay enough

I've been caught up with rl stuff, so i havent have the time blog and stuff. The past two weeks has been real challenging- with presentations, assignment submissions, quizzes, syllabus completion, emotional turmoil but Alhamdulillah I braved through it all. Some things are a lil screwed up, but Im just gonna have to deal with it alone. Im not concentrating on being the best anymore, instead i just want to do enough. With exam is just around the corner, the pressure is mounting.

Tahniah dekat kawan-kawan komunikasi yang dapat menjalankan FYP depa dengan berjaya. Event semua best-best weh. Two thumbs up. Tak kiralah autoshow or futsal tourney. Both are worth to attend to. :) Sorry tak dapat tolong ampa banyak2 dok jiwa kacau lagi time tuh. Hehe. tapi ok la, as usual jadi trophy delivery man tuk autoshow and jadi rules regulator untuk futsal tourney. :) as usual, team futsal kami dapat pi sampai quarter ja. Kalah penalti :'( Sorry guys, Im not worthy your captain.

We should at least improve but kita kat kat takuk tu jugak. That's why i was wondering to hand over the captaincy to someone else but you guys insist on me being the captain. Thanks for the support. I really hope that we can still play together in the future, wherever you are. Time kalah tu, memang sedih gila. Bukan sebab kalah, tapi sebab this might be the last tournament we play together. As friends, comrades and teammates. Ari la orang paling sedih, cause he didnt convert that last penalty. Thats okat Ari, that guy can be anybody. I screwed up at penalties sometimes too.

And during the last few weeks, the bond between the classmates are getting stronger than ever. Yang tak pernah bercakap, cakap. Yang dok gaduh, baik. We did quite a lot of activities together. We went bowling, visited Kek Lok Si, picnicking at Teluk Assam, minum juice kat tropical farm and many more. Im going to miss you guys, seriously. Each and everyone of you. Dah jadi macam adik beradik. I love them all. Girlfriend/Boyfriend comes and go, but friends are forever. :) And because of these friends, Im getting better day by day.

People deal with knockbacks in life, whatever they may be, in different ways. You build a protective mechanism so it wont hurt you. If someone punches you in the nose, it hurts, so the next time it happens, you'll put your hands up or you expect it's coming, so you soften the blow. It's like that with love. It hurt to start with, it hurt a little bit less the second time and now it doesnt hurt as much. But that doesnt mean I've given up.

BOC? more like a SOB

So...so far so good. I've been better, but at least its an improvement. Trying my best to occupy every single minute of my time so that I dont spend my time thinking about all the "what if". Spent lots of time with my trusted california strat guitar, and also with a bunch of nics. I've left nic for a couple of months but nic doesnt seem to have the problem to take me back. :) And after so long tak main bola padang, i decided to accept the offer from this football club from bayan baru to play for em. Gotta get those boots out from the box and give them a polish or two. All just to get my thoughts away from it.

Had a meeting with Cik Halim, Mdm Haslina, Mr Zaki and Cik Faizal today. Along with other topscorers from sem 5 and 6; Zulfatin, Shafina, Nazrin and Fauzee to name a few They were planning to create this Blue Ocean Club thingy, an exclusive club for these creme de la creme. Among all the perks is that we get to have a fine dinner with the dean and the president to give us some sort of recognition, and to assist us in anyway in order for us to maintain our result. Another perks is facilitating us through the procedures and processes if we were interested to study abroad. They were also planning to construct a network of industrial partners so that we can get a job/scholarships.

*sigh tinggal lagi brapa minggu ja lagi nak abes blajar, baru la terfikir nak buat mcm ni. After almost 6 semester, this is actually the first time that I feel appreciated for all the work that I have done. I dont need a pat in the back, I dont need a cheer. All I need is just a recognition and I cant thank them enough eventhough its kinda late. I'd also managed to express my worries and whatnot but Sir Faizal and Madam was very supportive and inspiring. I came back home a stronger man. Thank you so much sir, madam. The sky is the limit. I will work hard and prove to them that Im not just a big fish in a small pond, but also a big fish in a big pond. :)

Just a few more weeks to go. I'm brimming with confidence to finish the remaining of my studies. Woot woot! Oh, I finally had my tastebuds on that Whopper Jr I've been craving. Ingat Jumaat lepas lagi nak singgah Burger King, tapi orang dok jakun lagi. The que was so long during the weekend, org bratoq smpai kat luaq. haha. So we went today. Semangat depa dari Balik Pulau pi sg pinang smata-mata nak makan whopper. Haha. And oh, I just found out House's medical school, John Hopkins is opening up a branch in Malaysia. Their high tech medical school/hospital will offer a 4 years MD courses to students. We might have our own Malaysian House in the making lol. wth, dok melalut apa taktau. urgh. bye