I was watching The Heir the other day and it got me thinking; being in love when you are a teenager is different than being in love when you are in the 20s.
When you are a teenager, you are young, ambitious and idealistic. Come what may, you want your relationship to work. No matter what the obstacle is. You felt as if your other half is the only thing that matters in the whole wide world. You didn't give a shit about what people say. Being the optimistic, rebellious you, the more people are against it, the more you want to fight for it. You didn't give a shit if your girlfriend's mother texting you 'we the whole family are disgusted of you'. You didn't care to break your promises and duty to your family just to accommodate your plans with your girlfriend.
You like to feel in control, therefore you always plan things up. I dunno about girls, but guys when they were really into someone, they'll come out with a strategy to woo her and to make her happy. What should I get her as a gift; do I have to buy it, or must it be hand made? How about the timing; should I ask her out when she's super happy or when she's super bummed? It's all equations, strategy and numbers. For example, when she's super bummed, her overall happiness is negative. So if you asked her out and managed to make her happy, her overall happiness would be positive. And it will make a deep impression towards her, since she goes from, say, -5 to +5. This impression is deeper than if you asked her out when she's super happy. Because it is unlikely you could top it off. I mean an increase from +5 to +7 sure is great but is not as much impact. But then again going out with her when she's super bummed could also be a risky one cause she's an emotional trainwreck. You see how deep the thought process is? They like to be in control so much that they really consider every variable in their calculations.
You'd do anything for her. Benda yang susah jadi senang. Benda yang impossible jadi possible. You'd ride 700km on your bike just to see her walaupun kat kilometer yang ke 200 hujan lebat dan pungkuq hang dah mula kebas. You'd happily made some scrapbooks to commemorate the relationship sedangkan homework cikgu bagi pun ang tak pernah sentuh. And to top of it all, you didnt care if it was your dream you sacrificed as long as you get to be with her. Kinda like Kim Tan in The Heir. He didnt mind losing it all so long he gets to be with Eun Sang.
When you hit the 20s, things are different. You're more calm and collected, and you've became a realist. Probably that you've matured, or probably your love life from when you were a teenager didnt work out, so you're more careful. Doesn't matter. The fact that you're a realist means that you didn't take risk head on, instead you take a calculated one. Hang tak semberono ja make a commitment. You're not afraid to admit defeat. If there's a chance you go for it, but if you don't, you just move on. No big deal. You didnt do much strategizing, because you know that you doesnt have to be in control of everything. You began to acknowledge that some things are not within your hands. You began to accept the idea of 'jodoh'. Kalau hang suka ok, kalau tak suka nak buat macam mana. No more planning and strategizing and hunting and games.
You are also aware of how tiring it is trying to make something that's not working to work. It consume time, energy and efforts. So you tried to utilize everything within only your capabilities. Your girlfriend's mother doesn't need to text you. You didn't have to get into a big fight with your girlfriend. You'll KNOW whether it is working or not. You'll know if she's right for you without having to go through all that. The best thing of all is when you know that it isn't working, you're not afraid to let your leg off the pedal. You are slightly unwilling to go the distance when you're in a relationship. Not because that you don't love her. Not because that you didn't care. But because she love you the way you are and you know you're not gonna lose her over some silly things you didnt do. Because you have also other priorities and dreams you need to pursue. Because life is not just about her, but also your family, friends and career.
700km bike ride? Call and text messaging every half an hour? Sacrifice playing futsal or football for her? No thanks. I dont need a drama queen dictating my life. If I have to do one of these things, it only means one thing. You're not for me.
Although......I've always had that teenage dream. To be able to love recklessly. To be able to have someone take my hand and drag me head first, fearless (bak kata Taylor Swift). To be able to fight even it's a losing battle. Is it something that you experienced only when you're in teenager?
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