Slowly.

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
And everything, will be fine.

Miserable

I once lead a very miserable life. In fact one of my hero to date is Dr Gregory House who lives his life in misery and despair, popping vicodin, being unable to sustain a relationship (that he ditched the love of his life, Lisa), and the master of treating people like shit. One of the trade off of being miserable is, you get to become so good in what you do. Just like House. Fuck yeah I was miserable, I have to admit that. Which is why I think Im good at what I did. Physical pain and emotional pain that I had endured are what that spured me on.

And shortly after that, I decided not to become miserable. I started to think that I should give life another chance. Give happiness a chance. Give love another chance. Give hope another chance. I always thought that hopes are for sissies, but I then I kneel down, praying and hoping. That's how broken I am back then. I have also opened up to my most vulnerable state, something that I have never do, even to my bestfriends. And yet once again this shit still let me down. I admit that I can see this coming when I sign up for this.

There's two possible outcome, either be happy or get hurt. The happiness that I felt was a short stint, but by all means, the pain is fucking killing mean. But then again, lets look at the bright sight. If i end up a happy man, great. If i end up getting hurt, still, great. This pain will make me go back living that miserable life, hence its all House and chauvinism all over again. :) Now lets go get that cigarettes vicodin. Women are such a bitch.

High Low

Okay a quick update. Been so busy with assignment and all. All due dates are lining up between sometime this week and the next week. Ada empat semua. Half of them are completed. Another two, erm we do not even start yet! We are a bit behind schedule I might say. We really do take our own sweet time completing this semester's assignment. By our own sweet time it doesnt mean that we do it half heartedly. Pulun tu pulun la jugak. Tehee. Its just that we want to savour every moment of it as this is our last time doing assignment in ICT. Hopefully. Insyaallah. As i said before this is a quickie so lets go with the high/low of the day.

Okay, lets begin with the high. Today when I went to school I was informed that I am on the list on some kind of an apprenticeship program offered by Spansion. Spansion is a flash memory manufacturer based in the Golden State, California and they are operating its operation worldwide. Mr Faizal are the one who recommended me to learn the trades there and at the same time earn money as there are allowance given. It is so so kind of him to have faith in me sedangkan he doesnt really know me and vice versa. Sepanjang he's here, tak berkesempatan nak belajar dengan dia. The program would take around 2, 3 months tops. I havent decided on joining yet, as I am still trying to keep my options open. But I have to decide in this couple of weeks. :)

Okay, now the low. Hint: Mr Azrul. Haha i failed to get an A for his entrepreneurship mid term paper. Argh. Such a mood spoiler :( urgh. I got A on all other subjects except for his. Yeah its only 20% but I felt that I could have done better. :'( haip tak bersyukur pulak Azmil dah berderet dah a takkan nak kiasu kot? But seriously, I really want to see my answer script so badly as there are things that I answered there base from the content of a text book, which I suspected that Mr Azrul tak accept. And even if he's right pun, at least aku pun puas ati. tehee. Tension tui. Nak ngadu kat org tu org tu moody plak. Sobs. Hopes you get better. Okay Im off now. Got to hit that strategic assignment. Later.

Raya 2010

Lama tak update. Lets get on with business. Three things I'd like to cover actually; raya, birthday and engagement. But maybe I'll cover that in the next post, for the time being Im covering how's my eid mubarak so far. And yes, my stories might not be in a chronological order, as I'll be writing things from top of my head. Like I mentioned before in the previous post, we celebrated Eidulfitri at Opah's this year. However like the previous year, we still had our Eidulfitri prayers at Masjid Negeri. This year, it started a bit late; 9 o'clock.

And only after that we headed for Opah's house. Maklong and ayahchu was already there when we arrived. We'd only started our 'beraya & duit raya' session in the evening as Along Nadiah is still away working. We chatted and ripping each other off to kill off time. Ayahchu bawak balik his burung tiung. haha so banyak ralit dok main dgn burung tu, trying to get it to talk. Also on the same day we went to Makchaq's who is staying nearby. Opah's at Mahsuri Lima and Makchaq at Mahsuri Empat. We went home at night.

The next day onwards, we either have guest coming over or we went visiting others. All friends and relatives. I happened to visit my friends a lot too. Been going places. Bayan Baru, Kampung Jawa, Ayer Itam, Tanjung Bungah, Farlim, Sungai Petani, Jelutong, Sungai Pinang and Bukit Jambul, to name a few. I also get to celebrate with friends from school too. Urgh how time goes by. Besides the traditional way of celebrating raya, we had our usual lepakraya, haha bunyi mcm deeparaya (>.<). Lepakraya is where we pack kuih raya and beverage, and go lepak somewhere preferably an open space. Macam pot luck laa..

Along Nadiah also got engaged on the third day of raya. Alhamdulillah everything went well. I'll cover that in the next (or the next next post). I think thats about it for raya 2010. Rasa beyban lak nak pi open house rumah naqi satgi. He's not here looking after his mother kat sp. She just got admitted yesterday, sugar and bp is through the roof. Hopefully she's okay. So people take good care of yourself okay. Try not to over-indulge eating here and there raya raya ni. Ok before I go just a few pics :)

Maaf Zahir Batin

Another year. Another story. Another eid mubarak. Ramadhan had gone. May Allah accept our amal and continues to shower His blessings to us. Many things had happened, good and bad but I accept things with open heart. Its good to be back. Its good to have the whole family at home. This would probably be the last few years we're gonna have everybody at home celebrating eidulfitri. Haha who knows after this nabila kawin ka, or Amar goes studying abroad. So better cherish every single moment of it.

Today we visited Tok Ayah's, Tok's and Mak Jang's resting place. I feel bad because I spent most of my time at Balik Pulau, and yet I only managed to visit them a few times. Although I've never met both Tok and barely remembers Mak Jang, they will always be in my prayers. This year we're celebrating at Opah's, after so long having it at our home. Kalau celebrate kat rumah, boleh 'lari' sat naik atas online, tidur and stuff. Haha. Regardless, Im looking forward to it. I've got to admit, the past couple of years, I celebrated raya with the 'lets get it over with' mentality. But this year, I dunno why I cant wait to spend my time with them. :)

I would like to wish everybody a Happy eid Mubarak. Maaf zahir batin. And yeah before any pervy perverson made any pervy remark, sila wikipedia yek. If you have even the slightest of bad and ill feelings towards someone, then there IS something batin to be sorry about. So, unless you're some hypocritical twat or a robot, I understand ;-) Haha baru ja mintak maaf dah cari pasai. I always keep scores. And I always make sure I won or at least have the last laugh, so its kinda disappointing to 'reset' the score back to nil-nil. Because if we dont, I rwks. Why? Because I always come from behind. If you know what I mean ;-)

Kalah

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there

Wake up Azmil

No you're afraid to change. You'd rather imagine that you can escape instead of actually try. Cause if you fail, then you got nothing. So you'll give up the chance of something real so that you can hold on to hope.

The thing is, hope is for sissies.

The wall

Okay just a quick update before I go for my friday prayers. As of yesterday, I have been on a smoking cessation for about a month. One full month, I'v gotta be kidding myself. Sometimes I myself cant believe it. And no, I didnt cheat. Starting 2 August, I have never smoke even half a cigarette. I always thought that if I cheated on my task, it is likely that the reward that I'm getting is a scam. I mean you cheat people, people cheat you. Haha. Pfftt, I know I've said this thousands of times already but it's not easy to achieve this feat because after all I am competing against myself.

Speaking of competing against myself, Im joining this coming penang bridge international marathon. I think I'll be competing in the 10 kilos race. I am very tempted to test my perseverance and endurance participating in the full race, but maybe next year. Because you need hell lots of training and preparation if you were to run a 42 kilos marathon. To a lot of people, running a marathon is something you do to unravel the potential in them. You see, it doesnt matter how long it takes for you to finish the marathon.

The only thing that matters in running a marathon is finishing it. Because that long, painful, excruciating run is going to take it tolls on you. Kilometres by kilometres. As time goes by, and your muscle cant hold any longer you started to feel cramps and pulls here and there while at the same time your mind is giving up, sometimes even just a few kilometres short to the finish line; that's when you hit the 'wall'. Everybody have their own walls and everybody would like to get over that wall because the feeling of accomplishment is effking good.

It's not something just to test your physical strength, but also your mental strength. Try finishing one and you'll know how it feels. And yes its true, even some people who were skeptical at first comes back a different man. Another reason why I opted for 10 kilos run is because Im running with friends whom I adore the most. We are planning to really have a go at it while have fun. We even have a wager one, betting sapa yang akan quit halfway sapa yang boleh habis. haha. We'll see about that this november.

And oh, Syu lost her phone last Tuesday. I feel bad as I felt like Im partly to be blamed. :( urgh I really hope that we can find it even odds are against us since it's been 3 days since the phone been missing. Hang in there hun and be strong. Maybe ada hikmah and lessons that we should take from this. A 800 ringgit worth of lesson. :( Perhaps you already learnt something from it ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) and im sure ayah will understand eventually, eventhough at first he might be upset. Walaweh panjang plak. Anyway cuti dah start, yeay! Two weeks away from Balik Pulau and two weeks away from you. :( Two little Two long sobs