Miserable

I once lead a very miserable life. In fact one of my hero to date is Dr Gregory House who lives his life in misery and despair, popping vicodin, being unable to sustain a relationship (that he ditched the love of his life, Lisa), and the master of treating people like shit. One of the trade off of being miserable is, you get to become so good in what you do. Just like House. Fuck yeah I was miserable, I have to admit that. Which is why I think Im good at what I did. Physical pain and emotional pain that I had endured are what that spured me on.

And shortly after that, I decided not to become miserable. I started to think that I should give life another chance. Give happiness a chance. Give love another chance. Give hope another chance. I always thought that hopes are for sissies, but I then I kneel down, praying and hoping. That's how broken I am back then. I have also opened up to my most vulnerable state, something that I have never do, even to my bestfriends. And yet once again this shit still let me down. I admit that I can see this coming when I sign up for this.

There's two possible outcome, either be happy or get hurt. The happiness that I felt was a short stint, but by all means, the pain is fucking killing mean. But then again, lets look at the bright sight. If i end up a happy man, great. If i end up getting hurt, still, great. This pain will make me go back living that miserable life, hence its all House and chauvinism all over again. :) Now lets go get that cigarettes vicodin. Women are such a bitch.