Confusion

Bunyi alarm clock kejutkan aku. Aku check jam. Pukul 6 pagi. Malasnya rasa nak pegi keja. Kemudian aku terus check phone tengok kalau-kalau ada miss call. Aku tido awal semalam, lepas maghrib aku dah tido. Boyfriend aku mintak putus semalam, dan aku menangis-nangis smpai tertidur. Sebab tu aku harap akan ada miss call dari si dia, mana tahu dia nak rujuk balik. Memang ada missed calls. Ada empat, tapi keempat-empatnya dari no yang tidak dikenali. Kawan ofis aku la nih..mesti nak buli aku suruh buat apa-apa.

Tu yang buat lagi malas nak pegi keja. Break dgn bf, mata lebam sampai tak boleh cover dah dengan make up, pastu ada pulak colleague yang nak buli aku suruh buat itu buat ini. Mentang-mentang la aku baru keja 3 bulan. Dan kalau fikir balik, sebab ex bf aku jugak la aku accept kerja nih. Dia complain sebab kami long distance, dan dia suruh aku keja dekat sikit dengan dia. Celaka dog punya jantan. Tapi... aku sayang dia. Separuh jiwa aku hilang bila aku hilang dia. Ishh lagi teringat kat dia, lagi aku sedih. Tak boleh jadi ni, aku kena gak gi keja. I need distractions.

On the way pegi keja, ada orang call aku. Nombor yang sama yang miss call aku semalam. Aku biarkan. Aku tengah serabut dan aku tak rasa aku emotionally prepared untuk jawab. Aku tekan butang reject, and let it go to voicemail. Tiba-tiba aku terfikir, eh boleh jadi tu ex-boyfriend aku. Phone dia bukannya salu ada credit. And selalu jugak dia pinjam phone housemate dia untuk call aku. Lagipun dia yang salu antar aku gi keja. Sapa lagi nak call aku time-time nih. Aku cuba yakinkan diri aku. Hati aku dah berbunga sedikit. Aku terus check voicemail.

Yang call tu bukan ex aku, tapi florist. Sedih kembali menyelubungi.Tapi aku senyum balik bila aku habis dengar voicemail tu. Florist tu cakap dia nak deliver bunga kat aku on behalf of ex-boyfriend aku, tapi dia confuse dengan alamat rumah aku and since aku tak jawab phone, dia tak dapat deliver bunga tu. Hati aku berbunga kembali. Sweet jugak laki aku nih. Siap bunga bagai. Nak pujuk balik lettew. Aku kemudian call florist tu suruh deliver bunga tu kat office aku instead. Officemate aku mesti jealous. Tehee. Aku dah mula berangan macam-macam. Aku siap dah plan berapa lama aku nak buat jual mahal dengan dia sebab lukakan hati aku. Alaa biasa la kan. Takkan kita nak terima terus. hihi.

Tepat pukul 10 pagi, delivery dari florist tu sampai. Semua office mate aku goes "Aww, so sweet!". Hehe easy there people. Jangan jelly okeyh. Wahh sedozen tulips. Bukan senang nak dapat tulip kat Malaysia, must be imported. Paling koman pun dari Tulip Farm Maxwell Hill, Taiping. Mana ada dah tulip farm lain kat Mesia nih. Siap ada kad lagi. Romantic sungguh boyfriend aku nih. Okay aku kurangkan jual mahal aku 12 jam. hihi. Aku pun bukak kad tu. Kad tu tulis:

   "Dear Izreen, the past 6 months has been the greatest moment of my life. Happy birthday sayang!"

Kecelakaan apakah ini. Nama aku bukan Izreen dan hari ni bukan birthday aku! Turns out my ex mistaken my number with his new girlfriend. New gf apa, enam bulan dah! Jantan tak guna, dah pasang yang baru, enam bulan lepas tu baru kau nak break dengan aku?! FUUUUUUUUUU

Taik Hidung Masin

It sickened me to the core to see the astronomical price of movie tickets during the weekend. I mean come on, I can barely tolerate weekday's price to begin with. That's why I resorted to torrenting and pirating most of the time. No Im not cheap, Im just thrifty like that. lulz. But then again if we were to go back to economics theory, if there's demand there's supply. And the illusion and perception we have over something certainly reflected the value we are willing to pay. Kalau orang perceive service tu RM 13 dan orang sanggup bayar, memang provider akan terima la. After all what they seek is to maximize their profit.

So let's talk about price. Price have two component in them. Implicit and explicit. I just want to talk about the implicit element of the price here. Implicit element is pretty much intangible, subjective to our perception and very hard to measure. For example, brand value. If you're given a choice between Darlie or Colgate, you are likely to pay more for Colgate. Because we have been predisposed in the back of our mind that Colgate is of  better quality and good toothpaste. Just like that. 

And more often than not, we are willing to pay a certain product at a premium. For example, Panadol. We are willing to pay more for Panadol at a premium instead of buying an unbranded generic paracetamol. Putting the Panadol label simply makes it more expensive. Sama la dengan cinema ni. You paid ridiculous amount of money for the popcorn and soft drinks, sedangkan berapa ringgit sangat ja cost of production dia. That's why I prefer to seludup my own food into the cinema. I'm not cool with this act of highway robbery.

This is also another reason why I only ordered sky juice when Im out dining at a lifestyle cafe. Aku pernah tengok dengan mata aku sendiri, this waiter kat Secret Recipe pour a 500ml bottled Coke into a glass, and charged them at a premium of what 5, 6 ringgit? Sedangkan if we were to go buy our own 500ml bottled Coke kat grocery store, Im sure we can get them at most 2.5 ringgit. But anyway, like I said, it's a matter of perception and the question of whether or not should we go along with this system relies on your evaluation and personal opinion. 

But for me, nah I'd passed. I'm not paying a premium for things that I can get elsewhere at a cheaper price. Tu tak masuk lagi government and service tax. Aku lagi rela seludup maruku ikan dalam wayang. Sedap pun sedap. Thrill pun thrill, since you're like, breaking the law. Yes I'm a bad boi liddat.

Universiti Sedara Mara

I'm back. Finished my exam yesterday. I think I finished considerably early la jugak daripada sem2 sebelum ni, since exams are not over at least until  the 28th. Dunno how am I going to fare this time, but I did everything I could, so no regrets there. Lepas ni nak kena start cardio and start cari fitness balik, because the week before puasa we'll be having this masum centralized training. And the part I hate the most is the fitness test. They'll make us do all sorts of things to evaluate our lung capacity. Make it an exception for the futsal team please, Puan Mei. Futsal's got unlimited substitution so stamina and fitness are not necessary traits. Haha. Macam boling la. Ceyy marah budak boling baca ni. Haha.

Anyway, the other day I was caught smoking by JK near the library. Mungkin mood dia baik haritu so this security officer datang la kat aku nak saman aku. Time tu aku dahla tgh tension nak exam corporate finance, and here he come, preaching at nagging at me. He was about to take out his summon and booked me, but then I remember something. I quickly say "Abg, sorry bang saya anak buah Cik X, tak buat lagi dah bla bla,". So instead of a summon, I managed to walk away with just a telling off. Cik X is also a security officer from Jabatan Keselamatan, and he happened to be my futsal coach. You see, the power of connection. 

And then I remember dekat usm ni aku ada banyak kenal orang yang selain daripada student, yang boleh tolong dan memudahkan hidup aku. Aku ada uncle yang kerja dekat Pusat Sukan (free facilities charges), ada kawan yang meniaga ayaq dekat kafe Bakti Permai (free drinks) and ouh ex coach aku punya wife kerja dekat SOM, so kalau ada apa2 problem dengan school boleh pi mintak tolong dengan dia. Heck even my derivative lecturer happened to be my parent's friend, so semua benda yang aku buat (dan jugak benda yang aku tak buat) abeh dia report kat parents aku.

 It feels like high school all over again. 'Azmil tak buat homework', 'Azmil tak datang kelas', 'Azmil tak buat folio'. Yep both my parents are teachers, so thats why its so easy for my teachers to report to them. 

So samala macam dekat USM. The rule of thumb is actually simple. If you're a penangite and a usm student, chances are, you will know a lot of people there that are related to you, by blood or by relationship. Or at least knew someone that knew someone you know. My ex tekun roommate Wan, mak dia kerja dekat kampus kejut. My friend masyitah had a cousin there. My friend ayu, her dad's working there. Also, another friend, Sue has an auntie who taught in SOM. You see the pattern here. 

I also saw Najah in my social psychology class. Small world. This one, I could at least knew there are four other of her siblings that studied here, kot atas bapak depa used to teach here. Sebab tu kadang-kadang kita dengar orang cakap USM, Universiti Sedara Mara. Pusing kot mana pun, kita mesti akan jumpa someone that is related to someone. I think this is because of the Apex status. Since USM handle it's own student intake and staff recruitment, depa mestila nak perbetui anak-anak, sedara mara depa dulu. For example kalau ada vacancy, depa nanti cari la sedara depa dulu, pastu baru la depa open kat public. 

In all honesty, I got nothing against it. To me, that is one unique thing about usm that contributed to our unique culture. Cuma satu ja la. Unless if you deserve and want to be here, don't come here. Just disebabkan orang respect auntie hang and ambik hang kerja kat sini, tak bermaksud hang boleh ambik mudah dengan semua benda. Ni kerja nak ngelat. Punch in lambat, punch out nak awal ja. Orang dok beratuq kat lobby tunggu service, ang dok bagui punya dok sembang kat belakang. Tak best la camtu. Same goes to the students. Because there are thousands others who would kill to be given a spot here. A simple fact that sometime even I used to forget and took granted for. 

Come fly with me

The end is near. Last paper esok. Lepas tu nak melingkup pun takpa. Last push.

Finals

My last post before final exam, before I go deep beyond enemy lines doing some reconnaissance stuff. Study la tu. I'm here to ramble on a few things till it make sense and off I'll go. Been doing a little bit of studying. I dunno why but I like to listen to John Mayer's when I studied. Odd but his rendition suits my study mood. And its funny how after all this time, I only realised now that most of his chorus are repetitive. Say what you need to say, face to call home, your body is a wonderland, waiting on the world to change, to name a few. Chorus dia mcm satu line ja, tapi dia ulang-ulang. Haha.

Nevertheless, he's a lyrical and a musical talent to the extend you can listen to the same song over and over again, but for a different reasons. Anyway, Im still dreading to study, I dont know why. Was it because that I feel safe? Or was it plain laziness? Or was it too much that I couldnt even begin to start studying? Banyak sangat nak kena study, sampai nak start study pun bercinta. (bercinta=rasa macam tak larat, tak berdaya, malas,). Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul.

Anyway, Corporate Finance's carry marks were out today. Alhamdulillah, I did good. But it really hit me. Corporate Finance is really a tough subject. It covers pretty much everything from investment, capital budgeting, risks, foreign exchange, bonds and stocks and pretty much everything. The text book alone is 1000 pages. Banyak habaq hang. Nak kena cover and nak kena study. I studied like a mad dog during the mid term. Yes, aku bersyukur sangat sebab result elok. Tapi aku began to wonder, berbaloikah study macam orang gila and dapat A untuk just a 3 unit subjects?

CF 3 unit ja kot, but it feels like a 5 unit subject. How am I to say this...okay like this. Theoretically speaking, kalau aku nak score A untuk CF aku perlukan 20 hours untuk study. Sedangkan aku mungkin hanya perlu study selama 9 jam untuk paper munakahat untuk score elok-elok. Tapi paper munakahat 4 unit. You see where I am going? Okay you might argue that 'okay, just simply spend the 29 hours studying on both subjects and you'll get an A in both'. But its not that simple you see. There's resource scarcity; i.e lack of time. And also, life is not always 'ceteris paribus' like we learnt in our economy class.

For example, if I spent 20 hours on CF, and even if I have that extra 9 hours to study munakahat, I might suffered a burnout or fatigue by the time I studied munakahat. So that 9 hours spent won't be as efficient any more. So the weighted average of effort that I put in every subject is extremely important. Aku lebih rela dapat 5B daripada dapat 2A3C. Because after all, it's all about the cgpas. They dont care what subjects you score or what subjects you flunk. They just want to look at your pointers.

Anyway, Im off now. Mintak maaf kalau ada salah dan silap mana-mana. Kalau aku ada buat sapa-sapa terhentak hati tu, harap dapat maafkan aku. Tolongkan doakan aku hadapi semester paling mencabar dalam hidup aku. May Allah bless us all. Good luck untuk yang nak exam, and Godspeed untuk orang yang takda exam. I'll be back writing by the end of the month, EnshaAllah :)

Sappy.

Wow two post in one day. Just so you know, the recent posts i posted was purely fictional. It got nothing to do with anyone or me in particular. In school I wasn't really a jock, nor an alpha male, nor a bully. Kita kat sekolah dulu budak baik oke. Haha. Neither was I being ambushed by Jabatan Agama. Semua rekaan semata-mata. Ok maybe there are some part of that was from my personal experience but I extracted it in a form that would be totally unrecognisable.  

This is the first time Im exploring another angle or genre of writing and I find it very fun and exciting. Ideas flowing like a river sampai kena buat two part post. Haha. I guess thats the benefit of free writing. You're not bind to facts and and your one dimensional perspectives. You can came up with nonsense for all you care, and engaged with things beyond your box of imagination. Perhaps there should be more posts like that in the future instead of having you guys listened to me whine about how sucky my life is. 

Final exam's next week and I am slowly suffering from withdrawal. I stopped tweeting, locked myself up in my room for hours and stopped replying my mails and texts.  

So I guess, these recent influx of blog posts (4 in a week!) is a way for me to compensate my withdrawals, loneliness and lack of socialization. But I think I'll stopped blogging for a while too, at least until the exam's over. 

Anyway, it's early in the morning and it's raining. And all these withdrawals makes me sappy and jiwang. Especially when you have a bunch of oldies song in your ipod playlist. Old is gold. 

My favourites.

The boy who cried wolf (Part 2)

Jadi disebabkan jeles hati yang panas membara, satu hari tu aku cuba manuever satu prank dekat budak2 rumah aku. Aku nak prankkan diorang cakap Jabatan Agama tengah buat serbuan kat taman perumahan kami, walaupun sebenarnya taman perumahan kami tu agak line clear (sebab banyak family cina yang tinggal kat taman ni). Tujuan aku satu, nak tengok muka gelabah, pucat lesi diorang. And aku harap at least diorang akan sedar yang apa yang diorang buat selama ni salah. Jadi aku pun mulakan operasi.

Masa tu semua orang tengah ada kat rumah, tengok game. Aku pun buat-buatlah nak keluar kejap nak beli snek dan soft drink sambil tengok game. Tapi aku tak pegi beli snek pun, aku pusing-pusing ja taman perumahan tu. Elok ja lepas 5 minit, aku put on my game face dan terus balik ke rumah. Nak buat prank ni kena ada kemahiran berlakon yang tinggi. Aku kena pandaila buat muka cuak dan penat. Aku terus bagitau dorang yg time tu punya bagus myaa dok cuddle-cuddle smbil tengok game.

"Weh, weh, Jaip weh, diorang tengah round-round kat lorong 11. Diorang tengah serbu rumah budak-budak school physic kot". Tu dia, berkecamuk diorang lari masuk bilik masing-masing, kemas barang, betulkan baju segala. Muka sorang-sorang time tu punya la cuak. Aku dalam hati puas hati gila. Baru korang ada akal kan. Padan muka. Tapi kepuasan dan kegembiraan aku tak kekal lama, sebab last2 aku jugak yang disuruh hantar awek-awek diorang balik ke hostel/rumah sewa diorang. Memang third wheel sungguh aku ni. 

Balik-balik ja dari hantar awek-awek diorang, tembelang aku pecah. Aduh mangkor jugak aku nih. Yang aku gi cakap rumah budak physic apehal. Budak-budak rumah aku gi call kawan-kawan yang kat lorong 11 and tanya diorang. Memang kantoi la aku. Malam tu teruk aku kena renyak. Aku kena royal rumble dengan budak-budak rumah aku. Sakit bukan main punya. Gigi aku longgar kena tumbuk. Perut aku satu malam senak. Tak berbaloi betul.

Tapi kami sume professional. Lepas tu sume orang mcm dah forgive and forget takda dendam-dendam dah. Semua kembali kepada life kami yang normal. Awek-awek diorang pun kembali bermaharajalela di rumah sewa tu lepas dapat tahu pasal false alarm tu. Tapi nak jadi cerita, satu hari lepas aku balik dari group discussion, aku nampak sebuah van putih diescort oleh sebuah kereta polis kat dalam taman perumahan aku. Dari jauh pun aku dah boleh cam van tu jenis van government. Aku pelan-pelan drive by sebelah van tu dan baca 'Jabatan Agama' tertulis kat sisi van tu.

Shit just got real! Aku pun tekan minyak sampai abes balik rumah. Niat di hati aku nak redeem diri aku. Nak dapatkan balik kepercayaan kawan-kawan aku. Aku park depan rumah, aku biar enjin kereta aku running. Sebab aku dah tau dah yang aku kena antar awek-awek diorang balik. "Weh, Jaip weh, diorang tengah standby kat lorong 10, polis pun ada! Cepat Alia, bgtau yang lain suruh keluar, I hantar korang yang lain". Dalam tengah-tengah kekalutan tu, budak rumah aku datang dan tolak aku.

"Blah la kau, kau ingat aku nak percaya cakap kau?! Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you!" bentak kawan aku. Aku dahla tak brapa pandai english. Mentangla kawan aku ni course English for Professionals. Dia sedar yang aku macam tak berapa paham, so dia lagilah nak tunjuk kehebatan dia dalam english literature: 

"Kau ni mcm budak lelaki dalam cita 'The boy who cried wolf!'. Sekali dia jerit serigala, orang kampung percaya, dua kali, orang kampung percaya. Tapi kali ketiga bila serigala datang betul-betul dan makan kambing dia, dia jerit mintak tolong, sorang pun orang kampung dah tak percayakan dia!"

Kemudian dia terdiam sejenak. Dia macam cuba fikir balik tentang apa yang dia ceritakan kat aku,

Bodoh punya kawan. Serigala datang bkn nak makan kambing aku.Serigala datang nak makan kambing engkau.Ujar aku dalam hati.

Di luar rumah terdengar bunyi siren polis dan deruman enjin. Pintu rumah kami diketuk dan diberi salam. Nah, korang punya serigala dah sampai. 

The boy who cried wolf (Part 1)

Hai semua! Nama aku 'ustaz'. Aku pun lupa macam mana nickname tu lekat dengan aku. Mungkin disebabkan masa awal-awal aku belajar di universiti ni, aku selalu suka pakai snowcap. Aku rasa macam aku dah abes stylo la time tu. Tapi rupa-rupanya aku silap. Snowcap yang aku selalu pakai pegi kelas tu bentuk die macam kopiah turki, jadi member-member aku start panggil aku 'ustaz' sampailah sekarang. Tak glam langsung. Aku bajet dengan kestyloan aku diorang nak panggil aku Joe ke, Bob ke  tapi lain plak jadinya.

Aku nak cita pasal kehidupan aku semasa aku second year dulu di universiti ni. Nak dijadikan cerita, masa aku second year, aku tak ditawarkan untuk tinggal di hostel. Mungkin sebab aku tak aktif dan tak join extra curricular activities kot. Kat uni aku kena kumpul point. Kalau join events atau involve dalam activities dapat la point. Lagi tinggi or banyak point ko, lagi tinggila peluang ko untuk dapat tinggal kat hostel. Tapi aku asyik mengular ja dan sibuk main dota, memang lah aku takda masa nak join tu suma. Lagipun aku ni ala2 apa omputeh selalu cakap tu, 'too cool for school'.

So nak tak nak, terpaksalah aku menyewa rumah kat luar. Aku fikir elok jugak aku stay kat luar. Takda curfew, boleh keluar ikut suka hati and boleh pasang astro and streamyx. Duduk luar ni kira kena la dengan lifestyle aku. Jadi aku pun post kt fb group cari potential housemate. Time tu lah aku kenal budak-budak rumah aku, lima orang semuanya. Kami sume lain-lain course, tapi yang bestnya umur kami sebaya. Dan lagi best, tiga orang daripadanya ada kereta. So senangla nak travel atau buat apa-apa sekali.

Life kat rumah sewa memang best. Pegi main futsal pagi-pagi buta sekali. Tengok bola at the comfort of our house, internet laju, ada kitchen sendiri kalau sapa-sapa nak masak, so it was perfect lah. Until budak-budak rumah aku start ada girlfriend. Time tu la masing-masing dah start buat hal masing-masing. And time tu lah diorang start bawak girlfriend diorang masuk rumah. Sampai up to a point tu aku rasa macam girlfriend-girlfriend dorang pun menyewa sekali. Aku dah start perasan ada product2 kecantikan kat toilet cabinet. Aku start perasan their undies and shirts kat dalam washing machine. Dan dah jadi kebiasaan la untuk dorang masuk bilik aku ikut suka diorang tanpa ketuk dan mintak nak pinjam barang.

Don't get me wrong, aku enjoy their company. Aku takdak masalah pun dengan awek-awek diorang. For once aku rasa seronok sebab aku ada gang nak tengok cita-cita yang kurang manly seperti 'ANTM', 'Masterchef Celebrity', 'Desperate Housewife', 'Gossip girls' dan lain-lain lagi. Tapi lama kelamaan aku dah start fedup dah. Fed up dengan pinggan mangkuk yang tak bercuci, fed up dengan barang-barang aku yang hilang dan fed up apabila lama-kelamaan, aku dianggap seperti the third wheel of the gang. Seolah-olah macam aku yang menumpang atau bersetinggan kat sana.

Of course, peranan aku sebagai 'ustaz' dalam group pun menjadi punca kemelut. Aku dah mula sedar adalah tidak manis untuk anak-anak dara (kot) tinggal sekali dengan anak-anak teruna (kot jugak) dan ia merupakan antara dosa-dosa besar dalam Islam. Okaylah fine, aku akui, aku ada la jugak perasaan jeles tu sebab aku sorang ja yang takdak awek. Kalau aku ada awek, mesti aku tak fed up punya sbb aku pun nnt join sekaki. Eh, mana boleh macam tu. Astaghfirullah. Tapi kemungkinan itu ada la.

To be continued part 2