Mama always taught us to be an honest stand up citizen. She taught us the importance of responsibility, truthfulness, and good ethics and moral values. She's an idealistic woman who view the world in a positive light and she always wants her kids to be a part of it. My dad, on the other hand is different. He's a bit goofy and doesn't always do things by the book. Unlike my mom he's a realist and he always tried to show us how cruel the world can be. This is where abah and mama complemented each other in raising us.
If someone slapped you on the right cheek, mama would have advised us to turn the other cheek also. As for abah, if someone as much laid a finger on you, he would have advised us to kick his/her ass back to the ground. The answer to whether 'turn the other cheek' or 'stand up for yourself' is pretty much subjective. But both methods had helped me to be a better man. It helped me to think things through while playing this game called life.
Mama pretty much sets the standard, our very own moral compass but at the same time abah tried to teach us to always not be so pedantic and to violate our moral compass once in a while. He taught us to be a jerk, to be a bully; not to take pleasure or pride in it but to teach us how it is like to be on the other side of a group. In a way, we are well prepared, not naive and can't be taken easily for a ride. This way, it'll be easier for me to solve any moral dilemma conflict I encountered.
It also taught me to have more empathy on the others, no matter which sides they represent. You know, when you rely only on your moral compass, it's easier to blame the bad when something happens . Si pembuli was always in the wrong, yang dibuli was always in the right. Because it simply align with our moral compass. But if we have more empathy, si pembuli tak semestinya salah. Mungkin si pembuli ada abandonment issue sejak kecil, mungkin yang dibuli tu yang provoke si pembuli, or mungkin si pembuli desperate for approval dari kawan-kawan.
If we could identify ourself with other people, it is easier to help them. If you have a smoker friend, and you wanted him to quit, identify yourself with him. Jangan pedantic sangat, terus nak label dia jahat. Try to put yourself in his shoe, then only you'll be able to help him quit. Ni tidak, terus nak punish dia. Nak bash smokers, pastu nak tulis 'hak bernafas hak kami' kat fb. It's very uncalled for. Sama la jugak macam solat. Kita tengok orang tak solat, kita terus nak boikot dia, nak ignore dia. Macam mana dia nak pi masjid kalau takdak orang nak guide dia and ajaq dia.
Sebab tu kalau kita tengok support group macam alcohol anonymous ka contohnya, sponsor/leader depa mesti dari golongan depa jugak. Maksudnya di sini, seseorang yang pernah jadi alcoholic jugak. One reason is because they simply could identify and have empathy on members of the support group. Mana pi yang lain? Yang claim diri depa baguih dan perfect sangat? yang tak alcoholic, yang solat lima waktu, yang tak merokok?
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