Withdrawal.

No, Im not talking about substance or chemical withdrawal here, though I do hope someday I'll be able to quit cigarettes again and whine about all the withdrawal syndrome I suffered.

This time we're talking about social withdrawal, some call it social isolation. 

You see, I love being under pressure. I think it brings the best out of me, and I think I perform best under pressure. I think I've written about it somewhere, so there's no need for me to waste your time talking about 'ohh,  i love pressure so much' like Im some bloody nymph I could make love to it all night long.

But there's a certain downside to it. You see, everybody handles pressure in a different way,  right? So when  I am under immense pressure, I tend to suffer an episode of withdrawal. That's when I started isolating myself from people around me and started locking myself in my room. 

I wanted time for myself to deal with these pressures. When I say deal, tak bermaksud aku duduk dalam bilik, campak barang kat dinding, tumbuk cermin or terbalikkan meja and the likes of it. Nothing like that. It is likely for me to sit down, focusing on the problem and try to solve it. So for example, if the cause of the stress is from an upcoming assignment submission, I'll be in my room doing what else, the assignment.

But generally speaking, most men are like that. If you read  the book 'men from mars, women from venus', in chapter 3 stated the difference. When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. He picks the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background.

The more stressed he is, the more gripped by the problem he will be. At such times he may be incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives. Women, unlike men, they like to share their problems so that they can relieve their stress. This is why sometimes stress could stretch relationships, because women wanted to talk to someone, while men don't.

Okay back on topic. When I am under pressure, dalam bahasa mudahnya, aku jadi tak berdunia. I don't talk to people, I don't pick up phone calls, tak makan, I get annoyed easily, I pushed people away, and other withdrawal antiques you could think of. Especially time exam. Kalau ada kawan-kawan call/text nak tanya apa-apa, it took hours for me to reply. Tu pun kalau ingat nak reply/return their calls. 

Sekarang takpa lagi, tak ada family sendiri and tak ada anak-anak. Nanti dah ada isteri, anak-anak, boss, tanggungjawab2 lain, takkan nak buat macam ni jugak? I must sort out my shit.