One messed up boy

I finally got the chance to watch this forum just recently. I added the video months ago to my 'watch later' list but I didn't have the time to watch it as I was pretty much occupied with rl stuff. Plus this video's like three hours long. The only way I could watch it is if I were to divide it into separate session. But then I'll forget about each panelist poi, making me unable to weigh in their opinion fairly. It's titled PRU13: Masa Depan Islam, and was discussed by four bright and intelligent panelists in the form of Dr. Ridhuan Tee, Dr. MAZA, Dr Fadzli and Ustaz Fathul Bari.

I won't jump into the political bandwagon here, as I always hope that this blog never delve into those kind of things. Let's just say that after listening carefully to these panelist, and after aligning their points of view with my perception of the world and my ideals, I had came up with my own judgement and opinion. I have great deal of respects towards each panelist, no matter their affiliation or political party and I listened to them with an open mind. Cuma kesian jugak la dekat Ridhuan Tee, sbb asyik kena bash, provoke and boo dengan penonton. He did fine actually, his only mistake was that he didn't know his audience.

But I'm intrigued with what he said in the forum. He mentioned an old maxim. I was aware of this so called maxim for quite some time but I didn't really think much about it. It sounded something like this:

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. 

Regardless of the context he said it, whether he wanted to simply share the quotes or wanted to take a swipe at the audience, it really got me thinking. I looked back at my recent sns posts and realized that lots of them were post regarding current events. Mostly sporting events like the elclasico, Australian open and my footie tournament. Boy, I do have an average mind. lol. Unlike some of my friends who constantly share quotes, philosophies, ideas and information, I tend to shy away from posting any of those things in the web.

I am slightly annoyed with those kind of posts too. For example there's this friend of mine who constantly post about how to invest and make money; and shared links of articles from his financial gurus etc. It annoys me in the sense that aku selalu bersangka buruk dgn orang.

'Look at this clown, post pasal macam mana nak buat duit, tapi dia tak kaya-kaya pun.'

'Look at this poser, post pasal munakahat, tapi awek keliling pinggang.

So the thought of that I will come off with a bad impression as I did to other people hinders me from discussing any ideas. Aku bersangka buruk yang orang akan bersangka buruk terhadap aku. 

Astaghfirullahala'zim. Forgive me ya Allah. 

Another reason I tend to shy away from posting post regarding ideas was because that I'm afraid that people would take me seriously. As in I would strike them as someone who's serious all the time. Being as it is, people already thought of me as a no-nonsense kind of guy. Probably because of the age, or probably because they thought that budak finance suma pandai-pandai blaka, so better dont mess with them because they're uptight. But I want people to mess with me, and I want to be treated like I'm younger an equal. I am really one messed up boy.